Let me begin with a confession. I have biases. I am a man full of bias. As much as I’d like to believe I am the one person on the planet who comes to the table with a clean plate, it simply isn’t true. The difficulty is that my keen observation of else’s jaded views often (almost always) prevents me from seeing my own. This past week I went to a convention and on the way up I shared with my wife that I felt I didn’t fit. My theological perspective isn’t consistent with the vast majority of those around me. My thoughts on praxis differ from many I work with. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. It was a wonderful “woe is me” session.
I carried that attitude into the conference without much thought. It was a good conference with a good speaker, but one short and incidental conversation really woke me up to my attitudes. A friend from my college years was reading a book which he recommended to me very highly He asked me if I had read it. I knew of the book and have had it recommended to me before. My immediate and somewhat aggressive response was “I haven’t read it and I never will. I don’t agree with the authors theologically and based on others who have recommended it to me I know I won’t like it.” He was taken aback by my sharp tone and didn’t really know what to say. That was pretty much ended the conversation so I went to sit down and wait for the session. As I sat I played back the previous two minutes in my head. A friend was clearly being impacted by a book. He cared enough to recommend it to me. I shot it down in an instant despite the fact that I’d never read it and I did it in a tone that was arrogant and demeaning to my friend. What was I thinking?
The reality is that I wasn’t. I do think I need to filter my reading because I don’t have time to read everything. I do think that who recommends books to me should have an impact on which ones I prioritize. But even if I choose not to read a certain book there is not excuse for my attitude of superiority and rudeness. As I continued to think about it, I realized that I had this attitude a lot. There are several well respected pastors, theologians and authors that I have not paid any attention to because of a bad first or second perspective, because of who has recommended them to me or because of who they have been associated with. My thinking led me to make two committments:
- Work hard to be intentionally gracious and open to those who have a different understanding than I do…even if they are arrogant and rude.
- Go out of my way to include those that I disagree with and have struggled with in my reading/listening.
I decided to follow up on the second committment immediately and when I found the audio for Advance ‘09 I knew it was my chance. One of the keynote speakers at the event was Mark Driscoll. Mark is the pastor of Mars Hill Church in Seattle, Washington. He has a reputation for being brash (loud), confident (arrogant) and extreme (sometimes bordering perhaps on crude?). A few years ago I heard about the growth of his ministry and downloaded some of his sermons. I was put off by his style. I disagreed with him on some theological issues that he was very vocal about. I struggled with some of his exegisis. The combination of these things put me off him. Over the past few years my negative perspective on him has been confirmed by some comments I’ve heard attributed to him and even some video clips I’ve seen of him. For all the Mark Driscoll fans out there…I have been your antithesis.
I thought, what better way to start engaging those I didn’t like than to listen with open ears to the one guy my heart has been most hardened towards. With a prayerful heart I downloaded “What Is the Church?” by Mark Driscoll. I prayed before I listened to it. As things came up in his talk that started to get my back up I prayed again. Mark still speaks with a brash style that I’m not a big fan of. He still speaks with an confidence (that often comes across as arrogance) that is offputting to me. I still disagree with some of his exegesis and theology. All that being said…I really appreciated this talk.
I discovered that Mark and I have a lot of things in common!
- A conviction about the missionary essence of the church
- A committment to the disciple making call of the church (not just making converts)
- A high view of the proclaimation of scripture (despite differences of interpretation and therefore content)
Most of all I discovered that Mark and I share a conviction about the absolute need for the centrality of Christ in all that the church does.
After all of this time avoiding his teaching, criticizing his spirit and questioning his theology, I prayed and listend and I learned from him. I don’t agree with everything he said in his message, but I am so grateful for the way he challenged my thinking and gave me new language to express what I believe to be true about the church.
If by some remote chance Mark Driscoll happens to read this post, I aplogize to you for my judgement of you. It was arrogant and wrong. It was sinful and did not reflect the Christ we both love and serve and seek to preach to our respective worlds. As far as I can tell you were unaware and unimpacted by my wrongness, but I am still sorry for anything I may have said that questioned your heart for Jesus and your devotion to his word and church. Please forgive me.
Additionally I want to apologize to Jay, my friend at conference. I was wrong and you bore the brunt of my sinful heart with grace (and a shocked look on your face). Your response led to my reflection which I pray will lead to a changed heart towards those that I am not on the same page with. I need to remember that despite our differences we are still on the same team! As my heart changes I believe I will discover that I do fit. I do belong. I am part of a united and diverse church of Jesus Christ that is carrying the most beautiful and difficult message ever known.
